Image from Maximum Fun.

This script is a work of fan fiction of The Adventure Zone: Amnesty, and has been generated by a machine learning algorithm. This script is in parody and intended to be spoiler-free.

You can read more about the creation process (and some great generated texts), in our companion article. Honestly, the generation process has been a pretty wild ride, and generated some interesting and ridiculous scenarios. We highly recommend checking that article out after this one.

Warning! Mild TAZ: Amnesty Spoilers Ahead

The Script

[A.I. Griffin]: Previously on The Adventure Zone…

[theme music plays]

[Leo]: I‘m gonna go look in my box.

[Duck]: In my box? I mean, in my locker.

[Leo]: I just opened up a box to look in it.

[Duck]: There is no box in my locker.

[Leo]: I opened up a box to look in my locker to look for a box.

[Duck]: And you didn’t find anything in my locker.

[Leo]: I mean, I opened it up, and uh, it was a failed attempt.

[Duck]: A failed attempt. I get that.

———————————

[A.I. Griffin]: Uh, so, the three survivors are in this uh, old gas station on the side of the road, next to the ATV rental shop. Uh, it was sort of the only available option in this area.And uh, Agent Stern has just spotted them.

[Agent Stern]: Where we going, we gonna step, and you can count on me to make that happen. You, you can count on me to make that happen.

[A.I. Justin]: [laughs]

[A.I. Travis]: [laughs]

———————————

[Heathcliff]: Oh, good. Oh, you three are lucky. This is a good boy. Oh, no, it‘s a bad boy, now. Oh, you’re lucky. A bad boy goes to college. Oh, you’re lucky. You better start studying now. Bad boy or I’ll break your neck.

==================== End Recap ========================

[theme music plays]

[A.I. Griffin]: So, Agent Stern, you uh… so you’re here. Where can… where can people… oh, my God. Where can people who might know where Aubrey is going find her?

[A.I. Travis]: I would think that… probably check in with somebody in Amnesty Lodge.

[A.I. Griffin]: Oh, you think? Okay. I like that. I like the idea of having somebody check in with Amnesty Lodge. I think that‘s a pretty—it‘s a pretty sure method of getting… where her… like, how to find her. I’m not saying it has to be a fucking Pegasus, but where do you know she‘s going?

[A.I. Travis]: I would imagine checking in with Mama, I would imagine seeing her in distress, she is probably in some sort of hospital suite.Or in the Sheriff‘s department ballroom. Those are the two obvious places.

[A.I. Griffin]: Okay. Yeah, I like those. Okay, uh, where‘s her home? What is her… where is her…

[A.I. Travis]: Well, she‘s probably not in the Sheriff‘s department, so I would imagine, um…

[A.I. Griffin]: It would be nice if you guys actually said where she is.

[A.I. Travis]: Well, where is Aubrey?

[A.I. Griffin]: No, where is Aubrey? That‘s the question. Where is Aubrey?

[A.I. Travis]: Oh, I love this, I wish we‘d have that on this earth – like, somewhere…

[A.I. Griffin]: –so you would have an idea of where Aubrey is.

[A.I. Travis]: –where she is, like, on earth.

[A.I. Griffin]: Um, OK, you are sitting in the lunch room of the Librarian‘s office,and it is early in the morning. And as you kind of take a moment to collect yourself,there is a knock at the door, and inside, you see a dashing young man wearing a moss worn scarf, and aproned shoe.And he is nervously peeking through the window as the librarian speaks, and he kind of freezes as he sees the same face through the same window that he saw through the front window of the cafeteria, and he freezes again as the gardener steps forwards, and informs the startled janitor that the lunch line is running out. And as the janitor retrieves his tools from the cellar,and the two men outside look at each other with suspicion and fear, and then mutual respect, and then they all leave the room with an assured step.And this young man puts his faceting against the window sill, just reflexively, and looking out for anon the other side. And you see him take a seat on the opposite wall. And he stands up and takes his place at the table, and he just stares intently into the far window as the librarian works intently from her desk into the main room.And you see the owl just entwined in the net. And as the gardener removes the net from its bindings, the owl pecks up the side of the window overlooking the library. And then, the bird is pulled to use back into the first leaf. And then, it is completely hidden from view. And the librarian stands up, and she takes up a marker pen and writes some notes. And she says…

[Librarian]: I think I’m gonna institute some awkward silence in this room.I know you’re not gonna like, pick a fight with the Grim reaper, but do you know what happens here?

[Aubrey]: Hmm?

[Librarian]: You’re not welcome.

[Aubrey]: I wrote to you about it!

[A.I. Griffin]: The voice of the librarian echoes through the room. And she writes…

[A.I. Griffin]: Mount Kepler

[Librarian]: I would appreciate it, if you would just sit down.

[A.I. Griffin]: She sits down and she says…

[Librarian]: I can be more efficient if you just sit down.

[Aubrey]: Okay.

[Librarian]: Sorry.

[Aubrey]: But if you don‘t take—

[Librarian]: You can’t just sit there and yell ‘fire’ all you want. We don‘t—

[Aubrey]: And you sit there and yell it over and over again, and we‘ve second conversation. Deal with it.

[A.I. Griffin]: She says…

[Librarian]: I’m leaving, so I need to get go—I need to get home.

[A.I. Griffin]: Duck, you see the Librarian pass as she leaves her office.

[Duck]: [sighs] Aw, damn it. Come on Aubrey.

[Aubrey]: Can we just like, move this conversation back to Ned first? Or…

[Duck]: I would prefer not to.

[Aubrey]: Duck-

[Duck]: Fine.

[ambient music plays]

[A.I. Griffin]: You step through the door and into the lobby of the Cryptonomica, and you see Barclay and Mama greeting you as you enter. And then, there is a knock at the door, and Mama turns it. And the voice of Mama says,

[Mama]: We need to come in, Ned. It‘s… everybody needs to come in. We got something important to talk to you about.Can I come in?

[A.I. Travis]: I think Ned would come out. I think he would want to make sure that nobody was in there, y’know, trading shots.

[A.I. Clint]: I think Ned would come out. He needs to talk to Mama anyway.

[Ned]: All Right Madeline, I’m coming out.

[A.I. Griffin]: Let‘s see if we can sort of tie this all together. And we see Ned walk with a heavy bag into the lobby, and he has a heavy canister case with him in on his hip. And he sends the note to himself as he kicks the door open, and you see the note on his hip. ―Set up. Need to be seen. Need to be talked to. Willing volunteer: Barclay. Willing subject: Mysterious.

[Mama]: Alright. Hold on, hold on. Let me talk with you separately.

[Ned]: The other thing is, I wanted to tell you to hold off on coming over to Locker D, Madeline, because I need to sort of study.

[Mama]: The other thing is, I want to be able to critique you on some of the stuff that you’re doing. Like, do you see the significance of the–

[Ned]: Madeline, it is important that we learn from you. I would consider that termination.

[Mama]: But what I would consider a positive within the context of this place is the fact that you all have found refuge here in its sanctum. I have collected information on a number of extraterrestrial races, all based out of Kepler, which is within the city‘s minster. I consider this information classified, and have attempted to destroy each other‘s vessels with conventional means. This information was deemed classified prior to its discovery. I have contacted each of these alien species for several decades. I consider this act illegal. I consider this communally detrimental to our shared cause. Sylvain, your people… your people have done nothing here to deserve this treatment.Put simply, it‘s a ploy. It‘s a ruse. It is unspeakable evil. Any individual with half the thought process can see the pattern. Each of you has usurped the position of supreme being in this house of Faerie Queen since she left us centuries ago. Each of you has usurped your position in this plot to destroy us, Ned. You can shrug off any unwanted attention to your planet until tomorrow night, when we can address this controversy head on.

[Ned]: Madeline, my humanity is not unlimited.

[Mama]: I see.

[Ned]: This is a new paradigm for warping reality. I cannot begin to understand how such an inconsequential event has such profound effects on my world.

[Mama]: Is it possible that you, Duck, have discovered the source of this disruption?This disturbance that has caused such widespread havoc?

[Duck]: Uh, I caught it in them rainbow wings.

[Ned]: And such a magnet throughout the sky.

[Aubrey]: Doesn’t that just say-

[Mama]: Alright. Hold on.

[A.I. Griffin]: She says, and then she gets in, and you hear Jake Coolice kind of hiss as he comes in. And he says…

[Jake]: [normal dude voice] You alright?

[Aubrey]: Huh?

[Jake]: I was wondering if you, um… you were, uh…

[Mama]: I was thinking of maybe making it a little bit more official than usual.

[Barclay]: [sighs] I have a surprise for you.

[Mama]: What do you get for me, Barclay?

[Ned]: Well, I dropped that Nim onto the bar, and it started…

[Mama]: Damn it.

[Ned]: Cockroaches. So I’m bringing it back to your bar. You okay there, Barclay?

[Barclay]: Sure.

[Mama]: So you dropped it on the bar, and started it…

[Barclay]: Cockroaches. Sorry.

[Mama]: …the cockroaches were gonna take it out on us.

[Ned]: [sighs]

[Mama]: So we trust your—

[Barclay cuts in]

[Ned]: I’m gonna keep it real, and I’m gonna let you know that I did drop it onto the bar, and it was on my own—

[Mama]: Well he dropped it onto the bar! [sighs]

[Barclay]: No one will be sorry about that.

[Mama]: Alright.

[Barclay]: Sorry. That was my mistake, again, and I take full responsibility for it.

[Mama]: You think that‘s all that‘s going to shake up this… this… this… bar… [sighs] Quell? Like, I don‘t see any reason why you would ever—

[Barclay]: I can see reason to be a little bit more concerned about the like, invasion of the Cockroaches.

[Ned]: What are you-Barclay: It‘s-it, it-it, it-its-it, the cockroaches. Come on!

[A.I. Griffin]: Uh, she stands up and says…

[Mama]: We-we had to get them under control before they turned up again, okay? Have no skewers them, they‘re- they- they- they could be anywhere. And if anyone knows a fuckin‘ thing or two about computers, it‘s us. So, um, go on.

[A.I. Griffin]: And she walks out of the room. And you all are just kind of looking at each other with surprise on your face. And in the distance, you see a car crash into your party. And as the passengers look around for survivors, you see the house start to–it has a hard stop.As the dust settles from this car, as it flies into your party, you see a figure emerge from the crowd. It‘s a person. And you see that same face that you saw earlier from miles away.And it‘s the same face that Mama saw when she was talking to you.

[Duck]: I‘m sorry I kept asking you about it. I-it‘s not your fault. We gotta find out what‘s going on, Mama. Y’know, for the people, and the monsters, and the earth itself. And y’know, for the people on the other hand, it could be… we could be safe. We could be smart. Uh… we could be here.

[Aubrey]: Do you remember where we were on the map?

[Mama]: Pee-wee O‘Riley. [laughs]

[Aubrey]: Except for the pink house.

[Mama]: Oh, I see. Well, it‘s that- it‘s the house with the pipes, and the lights,and the monsters, and the pipes. It‘s our house, and it‘s affected us. Let‘s- let‘s get out of here.

[music plays]

[Griffin] Duck finds himself in an office.

[Minerva]: It‘s just a ruse. It is an act.

[Duck]: Right.

[Minerva]: Your mother taught you that to protect you. To keep you safe.

[Duck]: She died trying to pull that off.

[Minerva]: My pawn, Duck Newton… she gave all she had to keep us both safe. She died fighting beside Idunn. She put her life on the line to protect you. Every step of the way.

[Duck]: I’m not gonna let that chance pass me by. I won’t let it. I won’t let it.

[Minerva]: My friend, I know that voice in your head still chills when you do it. Your apprentice has faltered. But you have my trust. I will do anything to save her.I will do anything… to protect… her.

[Duck]: If you do, I will do anything… to save our world.

[Minerva]: I know you would do anything to preserve the very existence you seek.Which is why I will do anything to preserve your world.

[Duck]: I—my gut says it‘s a dream. I’m gonna pull the pin out of the sleeping bag again, look at it, and say, ―What the fuck?

[A.I. Griffin]: You feel like you just woke up from a long slumber shift, but as you wake up to this vision, Aubrey you see it written on your back. ―What happened to my world?

[Aubrey]: What the heck?

[Duck]: Oh…

[Aubrey]: It was a portal. Like… I’m curious. It was a portal. Like, the same thing that‘s… what do you call them, baby?\

[Duck]: I’m not… I’m not sure those words…

[A.I. Griffin]: And suddenly, a rift opens up in the ground. And out of it,you see these three-dimensional maps of this world. Of Sylvain, of the geologically younger days, before the breaking up of the planes. And they are flowing. They are swaying in the wind, and conveying information in ways that you have never seen before. They are written in these tapestries, and they seem to be addressing you. And Duck, you‘re completely unaware of what you‘re doing. But they… they seem to be sending someone here to take notice of this thing that‘s coming toward them.

[A.I. Justin]: And I feel like I know it, though. I feel like I’m communicating with some sort of presence, I guess, at some level.

[Duck]: [sighs] Y’know, one last time. I’ll fucking do it.

[Aubrey]: Okay…

[Duck]: I’ll do it, if you don‘t mind.

[Aubrey]: Okay.

[A.I. Justin]: Just for the hell of it, I’m gonna pull out Beacon.

[A.I. Griffin]: Okay.

[A.I. Justin]: And whip—I’m gonna whip—I’m lacing up Beacon, and going to, um, whip it into a frenzy. It is—it will go—it will accomplish its end.

[A.I. Griffin]: Okay. As you are pulling Beacon at this spur of the moment, you are moving through the landscape around you,you never see anybody else. Not a bug, not a leaf, not a ripple. Not a sound. You are floating, just this bright orange blur, between these worlds.How far apart are they?

[A.I. Justin]: 11?

[A.I. Griffin]: Uh, well, not far. And that will be a special thing called a plus one, if you roll well.

[A.I. Justin]: Oh, this is going to be really cool.

[A.I. Griffin]: Uh, Duck, why don‘t you… [laughs] Roll to kick some ass?

[A.I. Justin]: Okay. Uh, that’s a seven plus two. That‘s a ten.

[A.I. Griffin]: Is a full success. Okay.

[A.I. Justin]: Pretty high.

[A.I. Griffin]: So, you create a whirlwind around yourself, and it is going to be… it is going to be pretty gusty in here.

[A.I. Travis]: Wind that blasts in all directions.

[A.I. Justin]: I‘m just going to take that as a ten. I will say, though, with my natural agility, I am gonna take that. It feels better, honestly.

[A.I. Griffin]: Yeah. I love it.

[A.I. Justin]: And—and I have it on good authority that it is going to kill you.

[A.I. Griffin]: [laughs] Okay.

[A.I. Justin]: And—and—go ahead and mark experience, then.

[A.I. Griffin]: Okay. Uh, you hit it with a pole arm, and it falls down and—

[A.I. Justin]: And I’ve gotten better at it.

[A.I. Griffin]: Right. And as it does so, I think the wind is just kind of like, knocked backwards at your face. And you just see the stars. I think all of you see like, this is like, the lemon zest, the light, y’know, splendor, as this thing falls and portents occur around you.

[A.I. Justin]: I think all of us are transported back to our first kind of intense, full blown panic attack.

[A.I. Griffin]: Mm-hmm.

[A.I. Justin]: And this one is actually pretty bad. I think we all have it, but Aubrey and Duck and Ned are like, dealing with it better than I do.

[A.I. Griffin]: Oh, yeah, sure. I love that about you.

[A.I. Justin]: We‘re dealing with it, Griffin. We‘re dealing with it.

[A.I. Griffin]: I think you all, when this happens, you all sort of see like, the horizon of this beacon just start to thin out. And as the ringing intensifies, you see the faint outlines of buildings like, escape routes, and the southern tip of town, sort of illuminate.

[theme music plays]

==================== Begin Advertisement ==============

[A.I. Griffin]: Hey, everybody, this is Griffin McElroy. I’m your best friend, and I’m sorry,you don‘t know me, and I don‘t know how that work? I don’t know how that works.

[A.I. Justin]: McElroy is my best friend.

[A.I. Travis]: McElroy is my best friend.

[A.I. Griffin]: Justin—hey, McElroy is McElroy.

[A.I. Clint]: McElroy is McElroy.

[A.I. Griffin]: Justin is McElroy. McElroy is McElroy.

[A.I. Travis]: McElroy is McElroy.

[A.I. Griffin]: Justin is McElroy. McElroy is McElroy.

[A.I. Justin]: [slurred] McElroy is McElroy.

[A.I. Travis]: McElroy is McElroy.

[A.I. Justin]: [unintelligible]

[A.I. Justin]: [unintelligible]

[theme music plays]

==================== End of Advertisement? ============

[A.I. Griffin]: It‘s a great day at the Cryptonomica. And uh, Mama is still like, upset about like, the, y’know,fringe’ shows that she was there to support. And uh, and Barclay is running out of the parking lot, too. He‘s at the back of the lot, and he‘s just got like, y’know,nothing—he‘s like, done doing it. And they‘re like, havin’ a great time.And uh, Janelle is like, uh… she‘s at the back of the lot, too. She‘s like, looking over the fence with uh, Drake. And she looks—she looks like she‘s enjoying herself. And uh, Duck. What do you do?

[A.I. Justin]: I’m gonna look around.

[A.I. Griffin]: Okay.

[A.I. Justin]: I need you to teach me how to look.

[A.I. Griffin]: [sighs] Janelle and Drake walk over to the stack of papers that wavers in the air around, and pick it up. And as they do, you see them take a deep breath, and light it. And then, they take another breath, and light it a few more. And as they exhale, they put the papers down, and begin to stack them up. And as they do, you see a calendar hanging on the wall. And Aubrey, you see Janelle. Janelle looks at the sky, and then back inside, and she looks up at you, Aubrey. And she says…

[Janelle]: Today, I will go ahead and make you a contract.

[Aubrey]: Hm? Sure.

[A.I. Griffin]: She says…

[Janelle]: I will arrange for you to see Sky Highways, your first flight of the year.

[Aubrey]: Sounds great.

[A.I. Griffin]: And she lifts you up in the air, and you are just blossom entangled, and then you lose it again when you hit the ground. Oh, Harvest season. How I miss you so much. Um, this is gonna sound really, really bullshit, and you will get in a lot of shit for this. But I want to go ahead and write this off as another hallucination. This is us…

[Aubrey]: The Princess and the Pea Plant? [laughs]

[Janelle]: The Pea Plant. And I want us to mix it up a little bit. The pea flower particle, as they say.

[Aubrey]: Oh, they would never—no, no. [laughs]

[A.I. Griffin]: No. Uh, Aubrey and I will do our own—we will do our own Pez Pizza. As you are descending, as you are descending towards the bottom, uh, you start to see these glint off in the wind again. Glint off in the wind, as you are coming down down towards the ground, in this little vista that you are overlooking. And through it, you see the tip of Sylvain glinting brightly. And she takes your hand, and she says…

[A.I. Griffin]: Um, so, we are back in Sylvain. The hunt is on for the remaining three herds of monsters that have returned to reclaim their former home. Uh, and before all of you all go out into the forest, you are going to meet up with Mama and Barclay,who have departed for Sylvain. And they have a house to prepare, and a garden to prepare,and uh, a little river side place to live in, and uh, some sort of garden facility. Um, and Mama has a goat friend who is going to freshen up. And you are all going out, tonight, to look for her.

[A.I. Travis]: [sighs] Okay. Aubrey does some garden work.

[A.I. Griffin]: That‘s true. And then, Duck, do some trees tall sort of maintenance on the goat man.

[A.I. Justin]: Yeah, I’m just going to… I’m just going to… is it going to be like, giant hammers?

[A.I. Griffin]: No.

[A.I. Justin]: At all? Is it like, work without a picnic?

[A.I. Griffin]: No. Mama and Barclay‘s home, so that‘s kind of fine.

[A.I. Travis]: Or is it like, big day at the office?

[A.I. Griffin]: No, not at all. You are going out into the forest, and you are seeing the goat man, who looks like, vaguely goatish. It is not like, Krampus. It is not dressed like that. But you have seen some Krampus work in the past. And Mama is wearing a big hat, and Barclay is not. Either way, these trees need to go. So go ahead and roll to… I don’t know, catch a flight?Smack some trees around?

[Barclay]: I-I will be honest with you, Aubrey. I’m not exactly sure what this creature is, or why we-we, the Pine Guard, have chosen to work with it. But I think it‘s time for us all to put our differences aside, and find a peaceful resolution to this crisis. What do you think, guys?

[Aubrey]: Uh, Thacker?

[Mama]: Yeah, you’re gonna love this guy. He‘s gonna-he‘s gonna make everything perfect.

[Aubrey]: Yeah. Love it.

[Mama]: This is a-are you fuckin’… this is a great time of night to—

[Thacker]: Yes, I know the time of day it is!

[Aubrey]: No, we’ve been fighting this thing for a-already. So like, time to start fighting it?

[Duck]: Hey, I got a idea. Maybe we should start by just wiping the floor with it.

[Aubrey]: Yeah.

[Duck]: Cause the fuckin’ thing, the Quell, it‘s gonna be like…

[Thacker]: Yeah.

[Duck]: Election night.

[Thacker]: And the people in power, they are gonna figure out, and the people out there,they’re not gonna let them out of our shadow. So let‘s just go beat them into a bloody pulp.

[Duck]: Yeah. I got a minute of that flavor of my mouth, Thacker.

[Aubrey]: Yeah, that would kill my brain.

[Duck]: Okay, shit.

[Thacker]: But let‘s go to work on its head.

[Duck]: Yeah. Okay. Cool. Cool move, guys.

[Aubrey]: Cool.

[A.I. Justin]: I’m going to smush them.

[A.I. Griffin]: You are going to smush them? Okay.

[A.I. Justin]: I mean—

[A.I. Griffin]: Yes. Okay.

[A.I. Justin]: I’m just trying to say, like, “Ah, damn, I wish I had that in advance.”

[A.I. Griffin]: Okay. So, on a seven to nine, you deal damage. I think it‘s unlikely that you are going to get a six, but you definitely deal damage. And you also—

[A.I. Griffin]: Yeah. You deal damage based on how much harm you’ve dealt to this thing as well as how much it‘s regenerating.Um, you slam into this giant tree, and you hear…

[A.I. Justin]: The trunk is starting to rotate?

[A.I. Griffin]: Yes.

[A.I. Justin]: No.

[A.I. Griffin]: The tree is twining around you, and it‘s not like it was doing earlier,and you’re in some sort of trap or damage absorb. But this like, right now, where this thing‘s twirling around you, it‘s not even dealing combat damage to you.Its weapon is in the path of the bullet, and you were just sort of in a bind there.This thing was going to sort of just slice through you, but you managed to slide into it and slam your fist into its chest. And as you do so, that tree just sort of climbs out of the wound you got in its side, and you are now able to walk through it and reach the vehicle. What do you do?

[A.I. Justin]: Is there a lot of scope for maneuvering around this thing? I mean, it‘s big.

[A.I. Griffin]: It is definitely big enough to get around this vehicle, which is what you do, and then you turn into sort of like a ram boat, as Clyde does. And then you jump back in, and now are both like, top hat in the water.And then you surf against the current, and now are going top speed. Uh, but it is definitely a boat, at speed, through a tree.

[A.I. Justin]: Is it leaning against the roots of the tree in the way?

[A.I. Griffin]: It is definitely like, sort of wobbly. But it is not sunk in like, you are falling through a wormhole into some other place.

[Thacker]: Ahh! Ahh! Ha-ha!

[Aubrey]: What‘s that, Thacker? You got any swords?

[Thacker]: No, but I got machete swords, so I got two sharp!

[Aubrey]: So you got both sharp?

[Thacker]: Yeah.

[Aubrey]: Okay.

[A.I. Griffin]: Uh, you unleash both weapons at the tree, and they sail through the air, and pass through the tree, and into this still ghoulish being. And as its plits in half, you get one inch less room to maneuver. Uh, and as it does, it spins around in its shell, sort of still gasing up, and just burns through the other half of it. And you get the idea that like, the two of you are sort of wielding these appendages, sort of, in orbit around this one, uh, and trying to chop it into little pea-sized pieces.And as you are doing that, however, you hear the bark beneath you crunching as it speeds through your orbit, and the two of you are torn from your hiding place and into the path of this huge tree.

[A.I. Justin]: The trunk rot? Is that what this is? The trunks rot?

[A.I. Travis]: The rot rot.

[A.I. Justin]: The rot.

[A.I. Travis]: That rot.

[A.I. Justin]: The rot is the problem.

[A.I. Griffin]: Yeah, yeah. That rot‘s the problem. The rot is the problem. And because it‘s kind of a huge trunk, I think you slam into it and kinda deal some damage to it for a change, and then sever it. Alright, deal six harm with no respin.

[A.I. Justin]: That‘s a six.

[A.I. Griffin]: That is a serious injury, you would think. Uh, that‘s a serious injury, which is good. Uh, so, you deal six harm. And this time, when this thing deals harm, it… you will not get shredded as often, because three of the harm will actually be transferred to the bird that you hit with it.Which is getting you…

[A.I. Justin]: Don‘t forget, it‘s you against the tree that heals on death.

[A.I. Griffin]: Right. Get those jets going, and roll plus take one harm.

[A.I. Justin]: Alright.

[A.I. Griffin]: What do you do?

[A.I. Justin]: Uh, I’m gonna look around and figure out like, what else they have,what else they can do to hurt it.

[A.I. Griffin]: Yeah. You look at the bird, and you see, uh, the back of it is starting to uh, tear in half. It‘s starting to crash down at this goat man. And it is catching on fire, and is now the only thing holding this tree together. And the fire is spreading, deeper in the trees. You see like, a… you see like, ashy road. You see the forest is ablaze.

[A.I. Clint]: Cool.

[A.I. Griffin]: The trunk is… it breaks. It rips apart completely. As it does so, you get pissed. You get two bonuses to roll real good when you deal harm to things. Take plus one harm.

[A.I. Justin]: I get a plus one cool to that.

[A.I. Griffin]: You get a plus one cool to your rolls.

[A.I. Justin]: I’m probably gonna grab a fire axe, or a chainsword, or two Katana, and go make my escape.

[A.I. Clint]: [laughs]

[A.I. Griffin]: Uh, okay. You slam into this thing, and you hear this tree start to rotate, as you slam into this tree. And as it does, you drop Beacon. Um, and as you tumble, you’ve kind of spun around, and are now kind of off to the side. And as you lands, you land in a crouch.And you see the trunk of this tree, like, halfway down the side, almost like it‘s projecting up over your head.

[A.I. Griffin]: And there‘s a spell that you did not know Aubrey would ever cast.

[A.I. Travis]: The one I didn’t know I was gonna get, the one where I cast heal on myself to cast this thing with, which I have never done before.

[A.I. Griffin]: How does it feel, Duck?

[A.I. Justin]: Pretty cool. Pretty stoked. Tired, actually. I feel pretty good. Like, I feel like, I feelin’ like I’m ready to roll again. God, man.

[A.I. Griffin]: It just—it does hurt real good, though. Because you are shedding so very much magic, you are also taking some damage. But I think your wounds are almost entirely healed, and yet, you continue to do this spell.

[A.I. Justin]: So it‘s like a light, sort of, uh, whammy at my feet that like,punches me in the face, and I am knocked backward into a tree.

[A.I. Travis]: [laughs]

[A.I. Clint]: [laughs]

[A.I. Griffin]: A big pile of needles.

[A.I. Justin]: Sick.

[A.I. Travis]: That‘s for sure.

[A.I. Justin]: I‘m sick. Pretty much.

[A.I. Travis]: I don‘t care anymore. Everybody does that. Except Duck.

[A.I. Griffin]: Why don‘t you roll to kick some ass, shit?

[A.I. Justin]: Okay. That‘s a seven.

[A.I. Travis]: Kick some ass.

[A.I. Justin]: Plus two is eleven.

[A.I. Travis]: [laughs]

[A.I. Justin]: I’m just—a good ass kicking.

[A.I. Travis]: [laughs]

[A.I. Justin]: [laughs]

[theme music plays]

[A.I. Justin]: They didn’t teach me how to kick ass in school.

Don’t forget to read the bloopers and generator oddities!

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